New and aspiring writers who have the talent required to be good storytellers often stumble over some common pitfalls. Having some or even all of these issues in your writing is to be expected in first drafts, but leaving them in when you revise through the second and third drafts is inexcusable.
This is hardly a definitive guide on writing or editing (see our recommended reading list at the end). Nor is it completely original; editors have been saying most of these things for many years. This is only intended to help writers who plan to submit their writing to ShadeWorks. It covers the things we see most often that turn a submission into slush. Our first instinct when reading a manuscript with any of these problems is to pass without reading further.
I'm not asking you to come reverently or unquestioningly; I'm not asking you to be politically correct or cast aside your sense of humor. This isn't a popularity contest, it's not the moral Olympics... But it's writing, damn it, not washing the car or putting on eyeliner. If you can take it seriously, we can do business.
- Stephen King
Chances are, if you've decided to read this, you do take your writing seriously. Be proud of that. Now let's get to it.
Writing Style
The most common issue we find with submissions is clichéd or outdated writing style. When we say we want traditional subjects, some folks seem to hear: "We want corny, hack writing". These are some of the most common offenses we encounter.
Victorianese
Please don't emulate Bulwer-Lytton. Traditional horror subjects don't require bad Victorian writing. Some horror writers think a little Victorian cheese makes a character--usually the antagonist--sound impressive or ominous.
"It is so, Beulah. But fear not, for I am here only to kill you."
Impressive? Ominous? Or Scooby-Doo. If you want to adopt an outdated writing style, go all out and write in iambic pentameter. Just don't send it to us.
Overuse of (Good) Participial Phrases
Good participial phrases can enrich the rhythm of your writing when used in moderation. Use them too often and your writing will sound absurd. These are not to be confused with poorly-formed participial phrases and dependent clauses (see below). Good participial phrases work to braid multiple, related sentences together into a single action while emphasizing the participial portion. For example:
Holding the pen in both hands, I drove it into the back of the creature's head.
This single action places emphasis on how the character holds the pen. It conveys the strength behind the action, and perhaps how nervous the character is. If a participial phrase has already been used in that paragraph, a simple conjunction would probably work better to avoid repetition:
I gripped the pen in both hands and drove it into the back of the creature's head.
Bad Participial Phrases and Dependent Clauses
Unlike good participial phrases (see above), bad participial phrases join two unrelated pieces of information into a hack stew. A common mistake is to substitute a participial phrase or dependent clause where a conjunction (or two separate sentences) should be used. For example:
Starting the car, I checked my hair in the mirror.
or:
As I started the car, I checked my hair in the mirror.
Bad form. This is a series of unrelated actions that should be kept separate:
I started the car and checked my hair in the mirror.
This fix is lifeless, but at least it isn't a joke. Something with a bit more life would work better:
I turned the key and waited for the old beast to cough and chug to life. A quick mirror check: my hair had seen better days, but at this hour I was happy with clean and combed.
Hardly a masterpiece, but at least it's breathing. If those actions aren't important enough to the story to warrant such fleshing out, perhaps they should be removed entirely.
Inconsistent Point of View
In fiction, particularly in short stories, keep to a single point of view (PoV) unless explicitly changing scenes. A common mistake is to tell a story from Character A's point of view, but randomly tell what Characters B and C are thinking or feeling. Unless Character A is telepathic, stick to A's viewpoint. Immersing readers in your fiction is difficult enough without breaking the PoV.
Word Repetition
It's perfectly normal to end up with the same word or phrase in adjoining sentences (or even in the same sentence) when writing your first draft. Words tend to stick in the subconscious, popping up over and over again when you reach for a description. This isn't always a bad thing, and with common words it's unavoidable. In skilled hands it can be used to build a powerful rhythm. But you should try to weed out the unintended duplicates when revising your work. Here's an example of what not to do:
Bill smacked himself on the forehead. It hurt his forehead, but the gesture got his point across.
"Damn, Jack, you're a dumb son of bitch." Bill rubbed his stinging forehead. "Now look at what ya made me do!"
Remove that middle his forehead and it all works.
Poor Dialogue Attribution
Nothing says "hack writing" like poor dialogue attribution. This has been said time and again, but we still receive submissions with Tom Swifties . Adverbs should rarely (read: never) be used, and ridiculous verbs should never be used in dialogue attribution. Here are some examples of what not to do:
"I am not ugly!" Tom shouted angrily.
"You're uglier than the south-facing end of a north-bound mule," Bill slammed.
"What do you mean?" Sarah asked innocently.
"I mean he's ass ugly," Bill confirmed.
These all break the cardinal rule of fiction writing: show, don't tell. It should be apparent through the dialogue and/or surrounding narrative that the characters are angry, insulting, passive-aggressive, or confirming. When in doubt, always use said:
"I am not ugly!" Tom said.
"You're uglier than the south-facing end of a north-bound mule," Bill said.
"What do you mean?" Sarah asked.
"I mean he's ass ugly."
Related to this is overuse of dialogue attribution. If there are only two characters talking, you will only need to give one attribution to get the reader started. Who's saying what will be obvious from the paragraph breaks. If it ever becomes unclear, you can add another attribution, but keep that attribution clean and simple.
Interior Monologue
Interior monologue is necessary from time to time, but attributions are rarely needed. Usually the monologue should blend seamlessly with the narrative. For example:
Judy threw the phone to the floor and ran out of the room. Sam watched her over the top of his newspaper. Oh boy, he thought. She was upset before, but it was turning into a real thunderstorm.
We are seeing things from Sam's point of view, so the narrative and inner monologue can blend:
Judy threw the phone to the floor and ran out of the room. Sam watched her over the top of his newspaper. Oh yeah. She had been upset before, but this was turning into a real thunderstorm.
Needless Words
This is borrowing directly from Strunk and White, but it bears repeating: omit needless words. This doesn't mean you have to strip your story of flavor. Similes, metaphors, and poetic description give wonderful life to stories in moderation. "Omit needless words" doesn't mean remove all the adjectives, it means remove the superfluous.
The car skidded around the street corner and nearly wiped out an old lady who was hailing a cab.
This can be trimmed to:
The car skidded around the corner, just missing an old lady.
Subject Matter
We've looked at the trees, now let's talk about the forest. We want traditional, supernatural horror. This doesn't mean we want a retelling of an old classic, it means we like traditional subject matters: werewolves, vampires, mummies, ghosts, etc. We still want original tales (or tails, as the case may be).
Traditional, supernatural horror is a broad genre, and there are certain things we don't want:
- We don't want the Twilight Saga. We want horror tales, not High School Musical with super powers.
- We don't want religious tales. We want supernatural, not spiritual.
We appreciate subtlety.
Recommended Reading
The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White
This has been a staple of the writing community for 50 years. It's brilliance is matched only by its brevity.
Words Fail Me by Patricia T. O'Conner
O'Conner was an editor at the New York Times Book Review, and has written for the New York Times and Newsweek. She knows her stuff. In this book she combines her knowledge and wonderful sense of humor to help readers better write and edit their works.
Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King
This is another great tool to have on the shelf for those second and third drafts. Let these two professional editors teach you how to turn a first draft into a polished manuscript.
On Writing by Stephen King
This is part autobiography, part writing guide from the master of horror. It's not only something every writer can learn from, it's a great read!
GrammarBook.com
This is a wonderful online resource for English grammar and punctuation. Wondering whether you should use an em dash, a comma, or parentheses? Not sure if that should be a full stop or a semicolon? GrammarBook.com can help.
AskOxford.com
The kind folks at the Oxford University Press have created a website filled with advice and trivia about the English language. Are split infinitives allowed? What's the plural of hippopotamus? How about the origin of the word OK? Ask Oxford.